Enough is enough! The music scene is already tricky enough to survive in this ‘jungle’, but sometimes the biggest poachers bringing us to our knees – the silent killers- are ourselves! That being said, sometimes we don’t realize how much and what things we do that are putting the nails in our coffin before we even have the chance to make it big. Below I will highlight things that are our silent cyanide, then go a bit in depth! Sometimes the truth is a bitter pill to swallow..but the moment we realize and accept it…the moment we can make the progress and make a change!

So here we ago… try to see what applies to you….it may startle you…

 

  1. There is more than the door. (Are you being duped at the door? Ditch the door!)
  2. Can you walk this way, or are you just talk?
  3. Ready, set…no? How prepared are you for the stage?
  4. Rock N Roll All night….party when the time is right? How is it affecting your stage performance?
  5. Copyright….. should I , and if so, what?
  6. There is a Science to music! How is your chemistry?
  7. Be open to change!! Sometimes love is blind and we fail to see the truth. Covers and stage banter.
  8. Time is on your side…or is it?
  9. Stage Apparel. ‘Nuff said.

 

Keep in mind , a lot of these things go hand-in-hand, but there’s the devil in the details that need to be called out! Now that you’ve realized some components that you might be affected by, I want you to keep in mind to keep reading about the others….the details in each may apply more so than you think. So let’s get to it!

 

 

There is more than the Door.

I can’t stress this enough!! Having worked door for bands , I have seen bands get duped so many ways and to hear them complain afterwards is so disheartening! There are more deals other than the door rate that can be negotiated with the venue. Also, there are more things that amateur artists to the industry don’t think about (like the Force Majeure/Act of Nature in case some natural disaster or condition happens that prevents you from making the show, that releases both sides of the deal from owing) that can come into play. Main thing is to cover your butt, always! This is a dog eat dog industry. You gotta fight sometimes for what you love. So, how can the door dupe you might you ask? Countless times I’ve seen people try to weasel their way in while you’re taking care of others so they can avoid paying cover. They can also do this by going into the venue a bit earlier and chill at the bar or get food even… so your hands are tied there. You can’t go up and be like, hands up cash out! In the end, all the venue cares about is profit themselves- sad but true. You gotta sometimes have the courage (well you should ALWAYS be like that) especially when you have other acts on the bill. Say for example, the draw didn’t turn out as expected and you had about 50-100 to split between 4 acts…….. AND if any of those bands had to travel outta province/ state….at least that sort of covered their gas? Yeah, not cool. Added to that, they probably would not make the same mistake with you again. Sure, it’s all of your passion,but gas isn’t free. Instrument maintenance isn’t free. Food doesn’t magically appear and bills don’t get paid. That being said, what deals are at your paws that we can help you get the most bang for your buck?
1. Flat or Guarantee Rate : 400$ for playing and providing,etc.

2. Versus: $400 at door or 60% of door (whichever is higher turnout)

3. Plus: 300$ plus 40% of door

4. Points/Split : 60/20/20 of Net

Once you decide on what best suits you and your bill, you can find the optimal way of providing the best payout so everyone isn’t hating each other in the end!

 

 

Walk this Way! Don’t just talk it.

Ok, so you got potential audience members anticipating the big show you’ve been promising them- a grandiose spectacular that will have them so mind-blown , they’ll need to be wheeled out of the place from their paralyzed state. Then they get there..the anticipation is real….it’s growing…and growing…and…. nosedive. That big effect show is just a little puff of smoke that Puff the Magic Dragon would shake his head at, and the laser show irked off the dang sharks with frickin’ laser beams. In other words, you promised more than what you could pull off. Therefore you have a disappointed audience that will probably not want to come back to any of your shows other than your loved ones , because you tried to sell them on an unsold dream. I’m going to be using this term again later, but , K.I.S.S (Keep it simple, stupid!) Go for the cool effects, and instead of just blathering on about it, show the audience!! Let them go in not knowing anything , and then they will be truly surprised!! Accumulate cool effects or save up and rent some gear from your savings, if you really wanna wow ’em. Also remember…Que Sera , Sera…what will be , will be. Trust in yourself….you put in the work and SHOW it, not TELL it- the outcome will be greater/

 

Are you all set?

A lotta bands do it, they got their set list on stage in all pretty or scribbly handwriting or type-set… but how prepared are you for the unexpected things? Being a guitarist and bass guitarist, you must realize there is a chance of broken strings! Keep some handy, if not another guitar handy! And for the love of the higher power…..HAVE A DANG TUNER. New strings come out of tune fast, so yeah…those new shiny strings may be a hella good idea to look all spiffy and not to mention that gliding feeling of those gorgeous slinkies or elixr’s…. but they get outta tune so easy! Hell, look at the climate you’re in- that can change your tuning, too! Keep a pedal tuner handy. Invest. It will be the most important pedal you will ever need. Instrumental part aside , how well do you know your set? It can ruin the flow when a band is chatting and are like ‘well this song? why did you put down this song? we aren’t done it! well we just jammed it yesterday!’…. be comfortable with your set and have confidence, so that sheet of paper is just a decorative piece to chuck at fangirls and fanboys at the end of the night, along with that drumstick that smacked off of their head. Just like with the music and lyrics- the less you gotta think about what’s written….the more natural it will come out. Be confident, dudes and dudettes… you got this.

 

Rock N Roll All Night and Party Every Day

 

Oh the glamour of the music scene. Parties, booze, that drunken person worshipping the ground you walk on as you shotgun a beer….. stay up til the wee AM where you gotta head back on the road again for another night. What about the repercussions? Nah, we don’t have them, we’re majestic unicorns! Rules don’t apply to us!!! Get off your high horse. Living off of no sleep, junk food, and 24 packs will not let you be at your best and will not keep you surviving in this industry and health wise. It’s ok to have fun, have a party here and there, and the odd drinks. But the moment it starts affecting your performance? Buddy, you dun’ effed up. I’ve noticed this on stage at a few shows now, and some happening more frequent from same bands than others…..it’s ok to have a drink before hand..but don’t be so damn inebriated you’re constantly screwing up your own songs. It looks even more bad if your parts are easy. Maybe they have stage jitters, or it’s the adrenaline…or drinks…or all combined…but for real…learn to calm it down a bit….all in moderation. You’re there for the music, wait to party and get loaded if you wish after. It just looks crazy bad- and sounds bad too- if it’s impacting your performance.

 

Copyright

 

Be like Dave’s hot sauce and put that sh*t on everything. First thing if you’re wanting to become a pro band , is to trademark your name. Copyright it too. Cover your ass! Your songs, your album…copyrightttt itttt. That way if Thor LeGorgeAss digs your crooning word ability and finds your song lyrics so delectable he snatches them and claims it as his own…..you’re not left there throwing your mic, and wanting to bash his head in. People say Poor Man’s Copyright is legit….sadly, it’s not. It doesn’t cost much either to fill out trademark and copyright forms, so just do it!! Protect yourself!! Also the rights to airplay…here we have what is called SOCAN, that anytime the artist’s songs get played on air , they get some cash! Look, you guys! Money and free promo!!! 2 in 1 deal!! Highly recommended. Just protect yourself. Think of it as sex….you ready for a baby? If you aren’t, protect yourself and your money! Got it?

 

She Blinded Me With Science!

You know all those who said, ‘You’re artsy and not mathematically/scientifically inclined?’ Well big raspberry in the face to them. Ok, angsty. My Bad. But human chemistry is so damn important when it comes to the stage it needs to be bolded and brought to the forefront! As in any relationship, there’s gotta be that bubbling chemistry that attracts the atoms. Ok.. you get it. There needs to be two kinds going on relationship wise: The relationship chemistry with your bandmates, AND the chemistry between you dynamos and the sea of adoring music lovers supporting you. Don’t ignore your band mates and be Mr Stiff Roboto… move around, show your personality, interact, share the mic etc with your fellow bandmates. Trust me, if you see playback of your video and see the awko-taco-ness… it’s truly cringeworthy. It’s supposed to be fun, not an awkward high school prom photo with someone your parents set you up with. Not only will it look good, but it will make you feel good! It will help loosen you up having fun with your buddies and help floof off that anxious energy and turn it into fun! Here’s the balancing equation part though…keep that in mind, but now you need to totally not neglect your audience! Make them feel as if they’re part of your show! Incorporate them! (I will discuss stage banter in another section) lock eyes, make gestures, give them the ability to scream Encore at you! Just don’t make them feel like they’re disgusting and you don’t want to acknowledge their presence. No, just no. That being said….have fun.

 

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

Change is inevitable. And times are a-changin’. Always in the industry, new things come and go..yeah you gotta stay true to you…but learn adaptability and leniency. Stay in the know. Any musician / songwriter can relate when you come up with that perfect song….perfect melody….perfect everything…there’s not a thing you would ever wish to change…it’s your baby. But….. truth is…love is blind, sometimes. We fail to notice things that might need minor tweaking. If the singer can’t hit that note, you gotta make some minor tweaking let it be the note or the key. Maybe the chorus isn’t right, the meaning is lost in the song, etc. Be open to change and feedback. Sometimes it will even amaze you at the end and you’ll wonder why hadn’t you thought of that.. don’t be scared of change, but rather embrace it! Hell, it might even be a hit! Also, remember…a band is a mutual agreement…..everyone’s say is important.

Part two to this is stage banter and covers. I know a butt load of bands that say F*ck covers! F*ck bantering!! Umm, hey hambone, what do you suggest for transition? Once again, sometimes talking to the audience about the song can make them immersed in it. It’s ok to do. You will not be judged, and if people wanna judge….not all people are alike. You do you. Covers can be tricky, but they do have advantages. People get mad at tribute bands for hauling in crowds sometimes more than all original bands….First of all 1) Huge mainstream bands do covers…if Metallica can rock the shit outta The Misfits and make it awesome – stop worrying. 2) People like singing along or knowing  a song or two! That way if you play some that they like they will be like ‘Ooo they do that song! I love that song!’ and at the same time, you’ll also be introducing them to your originals as well. Once again, a 2-in-1 deal. Don’t fear the covers, but don’t oversaturate them. Put your ego aside, and give it a shot. If it doesn’t work, ditch ’em; you’ll never know what works for you until you try.

 

Time is On Your Side…..if You Will it. 

I can not stress this enough for starting bands- yes Headlining a bill is fabulous! But if you’re new or moderately new….. You won’t have a packed crowd at 1-2am…. People will have left except for your trusty entourage of supportive family and friends. If you’re Aerosmith, yes this is fine, but when you’re starting- this is not your prime time! Say for instance the show starts at 8pm… each slot is 1 hour length for each set…. there’s 4 bands…. here’s the maths again, sorry. The prime time is the first two slots…sometimes third. 8-9… everyone is trickling in  most times so it’s a hit or miss depending on the bands and rep …woot yay. 9-10… warmed up ..this is prime time spot… people are fully settled and got their drinks and are all good to go. If possible, get this spot. Third slot, 10-11….still good and safe and I would say second best after the 2nd slot…. but for the love of all that’s good and mighty..avoid headlining for a bit. Yeah sure your ego wants to fill that damn void of being the top kahuna… but , until you can sell out shows and have a good fan following….put your ego aside and take one of the other slots. This way you’re not playing to an empty crowd.

 

The Bow on Top- Stage Apparel/Look

I probably got a whole lot of middle digits raised when people saw this component earlier, and for that please give this a chance and see what is truly meant. By this I do not mean you have to dress in tuxedos and look like you’re going to a wedding (unless that’s the thing of your band style- go for it!) But what I mean is you can look uniformed without uniform! Look like you all actually belong together and put effort into it, instead of Gunther got hauled in outta his car to fill in. Let it be colour scheme, or the kinds of garments, etc. Just keep it together. It looks weird having one person in overalls, one in a tux, one in a jogging suit, and one in a dress. It’s just the aesthetics of stage look. Keep a theme, keep it together. You can still show your personality! That’s why  I suggest colour or basics. Like we’re gonna wear jeans, hell long board shorts can work too…just keep it in the same colour zone. You don’t need expensive stage apparel- you just need to be all on the same page.

 

 

 

 

 

Now after all of my rambling, I hope you all were able to take some info to help you on your road to success in the music biz! There’s a lotta simple things that people don’t say or bring up, but it’s all in the small details! From your payment, to ideal stage time, to chemistry. Learn it. Own it. Own that stage. You got this. Also, keep a press kit handy. If you’re interested into what goes into a Press Kit (Physical or Electronic) Just comment or send me a message and I’ll write a piece on that to help you step by step! Or if you got any other industry related Q’s…just message or ask me on a comment and I’ll help out!

 

Rock on and Cheers to success!

 

~ Bree

 

 

 

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So I’ve posted about odds and ends of various subjects I like to research, but at last! Finally I will be sharing with you all some of the knowledge I have obtained throughout the years from my musical education in schooling as well as from my own research!

Being an independent artist branching out working with others and finally getting the ball rolling on a more professional level, I really wanted to get some important info to help others like me. There’s a lot more than just picking up the phone and calling a venue or even writing a song and recording it. Ever wondered about the legal side? I will be sharing some in depth information that sadly isn’t so ‘mainstream’ and can indeed help the developing musician in today’s industry. There’s so many deals, so many contracts and legal paperwork that new artists aren’t aware of , that I want to bring to the light so they don’t get duped by businesses.

If you have any certain questions or subjects you would like for me to discuss in specific, please comment on this post! I will start to get to writing the first few soon here, but I would really like to be able to cover and discuss your specific questions ! Don’t hesitate! Even if , on another note, wish to collaborate music wise- feel free to message me!

Rock on and I will be talking to you all soon!

xxx

I love corvids. Crows…Ravens…Those gorgeous messengers between our world and that of the spiritual realm. These two birds, as well as my wolf guide me down my life’s path. I always had a fascination with these majestic beings, and always wanted to encounter them and to hold them/bond with them…..well….today that happened in a way that was unexpected.

I get a message from my boyfriend with a picture attached. One of our crows was in the midst of passing as he was on his way to pick me up. I was so upset hearing one of our buddies that lived outside was passing….we didn’t know this one individually, bur it was still a friend to us, regardless. While he picked me up and we stopped to get grocery items, I remembered to pack my sage before heading out, and that crow would not leave my mind. Apparently while we were out, its murder and surrounding crows held their funerary rite of passing around our friend. My love dug the hole in an area we were most drawn to/felt was sacred, then proceeded to go back to our friend. Yes… I will not lie I was scared/timid at first…I’ve heard so many stories of crows flipping out around humans when they were dealing with their murder , and if you screw up…well , guess who won’t be a friend of the crows anymore? So many thoughts as we approached the dearie. Putting on our gloves, we gently scooped him up and wrapped him n a makeshift newspaper blanket. I kept looking down at the beautiful creature…seeing how majestic and stoic it was, even after passing. We knew we had to return the earth’s messenger back to her, so that the spiral could continue. As we walked back with my cradling it like a baby, we noticed the crows just stayed in their funerary spots from earlier….no aggressive cawwing or swooping at us….as we buried their cohort and did a sage ceremony and shared a few words and protection prayers for this lovely being. After the ceremony, we headed back towards his house, and two crows glided gently by us (once again, no dive attacks) and cawwed (non aggressively..no ‘attacks’ in their tone) before flying away from the site, as if saying thank you to making sure their friend/family member was safe. What a way to spend the day before your anniversary.

This really made me think about the difference between people and the levels of honouring nature – especially after reading another blog.

So many out there would be like ‘Ohh, I shall keep this , keep that, or keep the whole carcass ‘ just to ‘prove’ an image. Just like the other article , though, I too felt the energy when staring at this crow, a spirit totem guide for me…. I must return Earth’s messenger back to the soil it was created from…I must keep its dignity….And in turn, I felt peace from nature around me. I chose nature over ego. I could have easily fed the ego, and took either a feather, got its skull like Predator, etc. But I honoured this being. It deserved to be laid to rest with mother earth with dignity and love that it was brought in with…not a display of ego and proof.

 

Here’s a link to the article. It is a very good read and I recommend giving it a view!

http://www.spiralelixir.com/2013/11/honoring-the-spirit-of-the-dead-respecting-the-medicine-way/

 

 

Blessed be , from your Maritime Mistress of the Macabre. Be nice to your fellow beings in nature, and blessed Spring Equinox xxx

Recently I came across someone near and dear to me who has been dealing with issues of ‘not feeling enough’, being a bundle of nerves, as well as a lack of self love.

First of all, I assured said person that I too had been down that road of all those ‘effects’- so to speak- and trying to figure out what links could be connected so I can try to help the self love healing process. Which, coming from past experience, I know that this can be quite the path of hardships.

My doctor keeps record of every new thing and activity I do. I thought he was batshit bonkers at first, but then I realized he had a method to his madness. He was keeping track of possible links for future reference if I developed anything wrong with me. Why would he want to know what small activities I was doing? Well maybe it could relate to why I feel a certain way, the stresses, etc. Using this method, I then went on to interrogate.

“God this, God that, God comes first, etc” I stopped her right there in her tracks. It is perfectly normal to bond/love your deity..but there is a point you lose yourself. In my belief (For those who have not read my previous blog postings- I am a Wiccan – Solitary Eclectic, if you prefer), where we believe in our friendship/relationship with our Gods/Goddesses make us one and one is not greater than the other. We don’t kneel to our Gods and Goddesses, instead we walk beside them as a God/Goddess ourself, and like a true friend, they are there for us..not treating us any less or holding them captive with possible repercussions if we ‘sin’. The first thing I told her was to stop putting herself down on a lower level, and instead see herself as a Goddess at the same ranking, for then she will not only love herself, but she will also respect and hold herself as high as she places her deity. Secondly, stop caring what others think. Yeah sure, you did one of those ‘sins’ (when in actuality , it’s not at all) …it’s called being human; as long as it harmed no one in the process- it’s all good. Make a mistake? Don’t think you won’t make it into the pearly gates..look and learn from it…and create your own pearly -AND- diamond encrusted gates where a big cloud of cotton candy welcomes you with open arms. We should NEVER be in fear of our Gods/Goddesses..that is not love our respect. All they ask of us is to treat others the way we would want to be treated, respect and love ourselves, and cause no harm. What do we do? The exact darn opposite.

That being said….instead seek them as you would a friend…not only will it strengthen the bond you have, but it will also strengthen you. You are never less…we are all equal, and they want you to know that, as well. If you don’t love or respect yourself…how do you expect anyone else to?

 

Lots of Love and Blessed Be xxx

First off, let me say how much the POTUS  genuinely makes me want to curl up under a rock and never want to face humanity again – but at the same time makes me think..HEY Maybe I am actually qualified for jobs I’m really not!! Go for it!! All jokes aside, the cheesy peach needs to get impeached.

While scrolling through the news feed on Facebook, I was shocked at the numerous ‘Witches Gathering to Put a Spell on Trump’ thing…. Ok..I understand wanting to do good (I’m Wiccan, f.f.s… I believe in causing harm to none and helping others).. but I see soooo much damage going on! Here’s some points I’d like to bring up:

  1. With the amount of energy – it’s hella potent at the moment- swirling around us, manifesting…do we –really– want to send out negative energy into the universe by focusing on him? A binding spell is in the grey, so to speak. Binding spells can go very wrong, very fast! The karma threefold law comes in effect plenty of times with this kind of spell. Instead , we should take advantage of positive energy by putting a protection spell on the universe and its inhabitants….no negative energy possible repercussions!
  2. How does it make us witches look? For real. We spent sooooo long trying to not look so wild in society in hopes to end the witch hunts,etc. That we’re going to fall back into those times where I will have to go back into the damn broom closet for my own safety. Once again – show them we use our magick for good! Not Bad that can snap back from binding.
  3. Being Wiccan and abiding by the rede and rule of 3, it really makes me wonder my fellow Wiccan friends…they do realize that some of the spell goes against our rede/beliefs…..right?
  4. Let’s stop putting so much negative out! You can’t fight fire with fire! Let’s instead drop some cool a.f. chill water over it and watch how much power we truly can take on.

Anyways…let me know your views on the matter! Blessed Be xx

Just thought I’d do another Valentine’s/love related post before getting ready to bartend for all the mushy folks tonight!

I love ‘love’. I love genuine love. But with every ounce of there is general extract, there is also a bunch of bad apples in the bunch. Toxic love. Lust. Anything but actual love.

Tell-tale signs of toxic, not real love:

• Need to control your partner. You won’t let them talk to anyone, like anything, shut off all communications because you’re damn insecure. Real love trusts. Real love does not take away the person from all they once knew. You got an issue? Handle it like an adult. Also, your partner is a damn adult (unless you’re a teen, still..) and they have the right to make their own decisions. Stop being an assclown.

• Basing their worth because of monetary stature. Love isn’t weighed in the almighty dollar. The time spent, the vibes you give, those silent words unspoken…..those things are worth more than millions. Only focusing on what they physically give you and all things to do with the dollar bill….you’re losing grip on what is love. Cuz that sure as hell ain’t it.

• Plus other things such as narcissism, loaded with negativity and you feel as if they are draining your energy, just wanting to ‘get back’ at someone with your actions all the time….

That ain’t love. Learn what love is .

Love and respect makes the world go around.

Love each other, and let your love glow shine!!

xxx

Happy Valentine’s Day, Love Birds!

Since I made a little post on some eccentric pick up lines that will definitely be unique and make your little horror honey squirm with delight in my section, ‘Mortician’s Coroner’, I thought I would address a topic that’s gonna go deep into my mind thoughts- and it was getting a bit quiet in the ‘Inside My Mind’ section, anyways!

The tattoo curse.

The myth.

The legend.

BUSTED!!!

My lovey and I were being all cute and I , of course, decided to be my weird little self and flirt with him (2 years together, and we still flirt! Never give it up!) by saying we should get butt tattoos sometime. Then after a little chuckle we did go into serious conversation about sometime in the future getting tattooed together. All of a sudden, my romantic gears come to a screeching halt as I gasp and utter ever so softly….”B-But….what about the curse?” Totally oblivious to my outburst of silence, he asks me what is the curse.

LE GASP!! YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT -THE- CURSE?!

That curse you were told about the first time you locked eyes on someone, or got your first piece of art on your body…The curse that if dare you chance it, it will curse you and your relationship will be doomed the moment the machine’s needle hits your body?! THAT CURSE?!

After a few breaths and brain functioning again in a logical manner, I decide to try out mythbusting this lochness monster.

Let’s look at our evidence so we can go full blown 8 Stages of FBI Analysis I learned in Sociology.

Alright, so couples get a tattoo as a sign of their love towards each other….there’s nothing in the ink that is cursed by a hoodoo artist or the artist themselves..check…tattoos are a form of commit– WAIT! CASE OPEN-SHUT!

That C word.

Commitment.

Tattoos are a form of commitment, as is love. The real love and real commitment stays. For those who are scared of commitment or this level of commitment- that’s what makes them part. It’s the sudden realization knowing they are now tied down with battleship chains to this marker and their partner, and if it’s true- they will stay….if not, they will run for the hills! (Music puns, all the way!)

That being said, have a long hard talk with your partner to see where you stand – coverups can get expensive! If you know what your love and you have is genuine, or you want a friendship tattoo,etc. Think about the long run…Just make sure you’re both on the same page and not in a drunken stupor going in to a walk in parlour! (Ps- Not a good idea to be intoxicated while being inked, see a latter post of mine on the do’s and don’t’s of tattooing).

Be awesome , love with 110% of you! If you have any cute Valentine’s Day pics, stories, or tattoos- please share!! All the best,

xxx

This isn’t fluffy bunny stuff or humour for today’s episode of Mortician’s Coroner , so I highly recommend if you are awkward around talking death- this may not the post for you. If you do find the afterlife interesting- please do stay and feel free to comment and join in on the discussion. We will be covering what happens when a loved one passes and our thoughts with what goes on about funerary services and what is the ‘right thing’. Viewer Discretion is advised.

Looking at other mortician blogs and outlooks I thought of a bunch of questions that I would like to cover with my views. So it’s kind of like my ‘Inside My Mind’ meets ‘Mortician’s Coroner’ on here. Listed are said questions / topics of debate:

  1. Hearses- why do people have so much fear and hatred towards them (I’m pro- hearse- they’re amazing.)
  2. Respect the dead – are you doing what’s right for them or what YOU want?
  3. The new age of Mortuary – Bodies of the future
  4. What it takes- the mentality behind the industry

Short and sweet. Short and sweet. Let’s start with the first topic of debate : Hearses.

I hate seeing people glare at these gorgeously designed vehicles that serve multi purposes. Originally used as ambulances back in olden times, they were used for transportation of bodies- without them you would be taking the dead way, not the hospital way. No, they are not an omen of death, either. Personally, I would love one of these cars! You can go camping, picnic, travel, sell shit outta your car, etc! Might I add, they are beautiful! This topic of debate arose when this hella awesome guy here in NS – proud to say is now a friend of mine, now- encountered some ignoramuses getting their tail feathers ruffled just over his hearse. This hearse is actually one of the most gorgeous ones I have seen around here (thought I’d never see a badass hearse other than the ones I’ve seen on Pimp My Ride, etc) but the immaculate detailing is truly mind blowing and doesn’t look like your everyday hearse. Truly a piece of art. Anyways, these people wanted him to remove the hearse from his driveway because it was making people ‘uneasy’. Umm….really? Why is there a stigma attached? END THE STIGMA!! It’s like people getting uneasy of a police car even though there may be no one in it. It’s just a car that serves a purpose! Hell, for all you know, there could be bodies in a van…but no one’s losing their shit at that. Anyways, in my opinion, hearses are amazing for multi functions inside and out of its mortuary services. Agree or disagree?

Topic #2…. This one gets to me a bit…a lot, actually. I understand the grieving process and this will tie in with the next two subjects as well, a bit, but people for real need to learn to breathe and do the right thing. People get caught up a lot in their own wants and needs after a person dies – proven fact that in grieving, people do not think properly- and act on impulse and make very quick decisions without thinking of the repercussions. Say for instance, Nanna Jo wanted a short and sweet little reception at her house and to be cremated and have her ashes scattered over her cat’s grave- Respect her and carry her wish. Do not go and have a huge, expensive church service where you invite the queen of England and get an expensive coffin where you have U2 perform at her service. Respect. The. Deceased. Being a medium, I communicate with spirits a lot, as well. The last thing you wanna do is have a spirit not at peace- you may not feel them or deal with their angst, but I do. So, do both the deceased and us mediums a favour and just respect their wishes. Also, funerary costs can get quite hefty, as well. Here’s the brutally honest truth even some other mortuary blogs and posts will say about the hidden truth- your grief is used against you. Make a living off of the dead. The most expensive caskets are at the front and will be pushed at you, and since you’re a vulnerable little gaffer at this hard time, it will be used against you, sadly. Please, do not shell out your dough and end up in debt because of some grandiose plan you have- just respect what your deceased one wants without breaking the bank and ending up in bankruptcy. In the end, it all comes down to respect.

Topic #3….New age of mortuary!! People have been talking about this a lot actually around me and I’ve found quite an interest in it as well as have some different ideas. There are sooo many new ways of being recycled, so to speak. You can become a tree…be pressed into a record or some object…etc instead of just having your ashes or body sit there. You can also donate your body parts to help with new studies to help find new cures in medicine simply by donating your cadaver. I think it’s a great idea being able to personally do things with bodies now. Like you can donate your parts and help those in the medicinal field, and you can even make a little necklace to be remembered by or help grow a tree that will last so technically you can live wayyyy longer! Or if you’re a musician like myself, you can have your song or your fav song be turned into a record your loved ones can cherish forever…simply because you gave the gift of music. I find it’s a better way to use ourselves once our spirit body has left to the afterlife and our physical is just chillin’ about. Eh?

Topic #4…What it takes…This one actually got to me and I found it kinda interesting. I love reading up on what happens to us and learning once we pass. But this has got me stuck. Being a medium – physical medium- myself, I find it hard dealing with the energies sometimes at funerals. Yet, I love to console people and help pass on messages to their loved ones to help them. How to make this scale balanced is the question. I feel. I feel too much sometimes being a sensitive and empath. In the industry thought you must be able to balance sympathy with using grieving people – that’s the only part I would fail at. I couldn’t use people …it’s against who I am. It’s the only thing keeping me back working in a job like this. I would be there wanting to console people and help them during this time, but frig I would do an awful job at trying to take every nickel and dime out of their pockets. Yes, being a bartender we learn customer service skills and learn to disassociate ourselves sometimes from our feelings to upsell items…..but….the is a kicker when it comes to dealing with a topic so personal to someone- a death of a loved one. That is the main struggle besides being on call 24/7 and missing out on many events in life. It can be very hard and if you’re not able to disassociate yourself from your beliefs, it can be quite the kicker.

Once again, I’d love to hear everyone’s input on these topics. Thanks for taking the time to tune in.

Love your Mistress of Maritime Macabre xxx

We got some humour too…You just gotta open your eyes and don’t break your stitchings.  Here’s some little humour from yours truly.

  1. Wanna really flatter your loved one and compliment them without the typical , “You’re so stunning!”..Try ‘You’re Open Casket good’…Because you know. Makeup game on point and the wardrobe and all the hard work to look good. Yes huh.
  2. “My love for you burns hotter than any crematorium ever could.” Hot, sizzle. Hopefully not a boom cuz that could cost a lot and have severe damage. Check for metal on the body first.
  3. “You only want me for my body”…..Nope. Well maybe…not yet. Not into -that- sorta thing. But I love you for your mind, too.
  4. “Tag! You’re it”….Oh. This game has just crossed the line.
  5. Get some ‘His and Hearse” Accessories or tattoos…. get it? No? Ok.
  6. On holidays/celebrations like this, celebrate like a mortician and grab a cold one!! Booze. Not bodies. Gosh.
  7. “I’ve got the perfect body…wanna see?” Mine, of course…ha..ha…ha…
  8. What would you like to drink….a Mor-tini? hehe. Side carte of formaline…no?
  9. “We can play doctors and you can examine my body parts…” But drop the “I’m a coroner in training” ….Keep them guessing…they don’t need to know.
  10. “You’re precious like buried treasure”…..Treasure, not bodies. *Facepalm*
  11. “Did you just come fresh outta the crematorium? Cuz your body is smokinnnnn!” Straight up.
  12. “Here’s some flowers to match your dapper looking snazzed up self….You’re a dead knockout!” ….Oooooo what are you implying…
  13. “You’re my place I feel at rest…..I’d be empty and dead without you”……sooo, I’m your coffin?

Stay awesome and creepy! Love your Mistress of Maritime Macabre xx

I am a dark little ball of sunshine and decided to start a new little sub-topic section in this lovely blog of mine: Morticians Coroner. -Get it..instead of Corner?

This fall, the Mistress of Maritime Macabre will be visiting some spooky locations, sharing some creepy goodies, and sharing the haunts of the Maritimes! Sound fun? From both real haunting goodness, to little quirks and attractions- you will not want to miss out on this adventure! Til then…I will be sharing some Mortician humour as well as other little goodies. So keep your eyes peeled..don’t sew them shut…..